Wednesday, March 10, 2010

I WILL get out of this funk....

I love reading people's blogs, I love catching up on friends lives and seeing pictures and also being able to share our life with friends and family. It is especially a great way for family that is out of state to keep up on all the new things that Cole is up to. I have found so many great blogs out there through other friends and I love reading about people's journeys...even if I've never met them.
However, I've totally been in a funk lately....Nick has noticed and I have noticed. A lot of times I will blame it on the job, the fact that I have to work everyday and can't spend it with Cole or that I'm not getting enough exercise or that our dogs have been acting out and driving us crazy. I just couldn't put my finger on it. I have also felt that I need a change in my life....whether it's my job, teaching something different, moving, I just need something different. I've been teaching the SAME thing for almost 7 years now and I need change!
BUT...that isn't what has been weighing on me lately.
I think I have come to a conclusion......as much as I love reading blogs and catching up with friends and stories, I have realized that those stories and blogs I have been reading have really been hard on me and this is why.....
I feel that I have been surrounded by stories of families that have lost children due to illness, other tragedies or people that are just unable to have children and desire to have one so bad. I have read story after story and and heard story after story of parents having to say good-bye to children in the last couple weeks and it is just heartbreaking. Whether it is a friend that knew her baby would not live as soon as she gave birth and spending those 20 minutes with the baby before he passed, or a complete stranger that has asked for prayers for their 2 year old Layla Grace suffering from cancer that just went to heaven yesterday, or another friend of a friend that lost their 2 year old....yes 2 year old who just didn't wake up from his nap at day care. I know these things happen all the time, but when it's people we know and you realize how easily life can slip away....it's just something I don't, or can't think about.

I don't think there is anything worse than to lose a child...so I've heard. I think that is certainly my greatest fear right now and I hate that I've been bombarded with thoughts of that lately. I just can't even imagine the pain a family goes through and how they will live with it forever.
I hate feeling this way and thinking so much about...."what if that was me?"

As much as I love reading blogs and stories about other people, I feel that I'm just going to have to force myself to not read these sad stories anymore. I know they are out there to help people to know that their is hope but it just does bad things to my brain.

I need to get out of my funk and stop being paranoid, I guess I am a worrier at heart :)

3 comments:

The Bare Crew said...

Annie - First of all... you are so normal!! It is hard to hear of others loss and as a Mother, you will never stop praying and being concerned for the safety of your child(ren) ... and there is nothing wrong with needing to stop hearing or reading about 'junk' that brings you down.

Give Cole and Nick a big kiss and thanks God for your blessings... then say a prayer for who are going thru 'junk'. That's what I do when I'm in the state you are..

Luv Ya Darlin',
Lora...

Rachel said...

I'm totally with you. When I was preggers I felt like I was bombarded with stories like that and you can't help but worry when you hear them. I resolved to avoid them as much as possible, not because they're not important, but because I didn't need to have those thoughts in my head. Whenever I see a story like that I just say a quick prayer and move on without reading it. I figure that God has a plan so I should probably leave things up to Him instead of worrying.

Erin said...

Annie- I know you don't know me at all, but I work at Life Choices where your mom is on the board. She's an amazing woman. She showed me your blog one day to show off pictures of your sweet baby boy, and I have been drawn back ever since. I have a son not much older than Cole. I always love reading your blog because I can totally relate to most of what you share! You have an adorable boy.